Disbelief

I did it.

I did it.

I did it!

Moments ago, I wrote the last words of my first full-length manuscript, my romantic suspense, Make or Break.

It is now a complete work at 117,000 words.

I know that's too long. I know I need to edit it down. I wrote the story as fully as I could as it came to me, but I'm sure there are parts that don't contribute significantly to the story that I can remove, or I can include that information in a simpler way in some other place.

I know that the work has only just begun. I have months of re-reading and editing to do. I have synopses of various lengths to write, depending on the specifications of the contests, agents and publishers who will receive them. I have query letters to write, hoping to get an agent to agree to read all or part of my book. I have to clean up, fact-check, look for logic gaps, find inconsistencies, and tighten the whole manuscript. I have to print some pre-reading copies and get feedback. I'm sure I'll find entire sections of the book that I decide don't "work," and will have to re-do them until they do.

So much to do.

The ongoing work is daunting, but it will keep me in the world with Seth and Abby. I love them, and dread the day that I've done the last thing I can do for them... as much as I also yearn for that day. Because that means it's going to print. And that's when it becomes real. Right now I'm a writer. When Make or Break is published, I'll finally feel like an author.

There are other books in my head, waiting to be written. But I'm afraid none of my future characters will come alive for me, be as special to me, as Seth Caldwell and Abby Delaney. They're a piece of me. They've shaped this book more than I have. I would think I knew what I was going to do, and they would have a meeting, take a vote, and tell me that I had it wrong. Then they would tell me what they were going to do, and they were always right.

Other characters came in, too, and had a much bigger impact than I'd expected. Abby's mother, Marilyn stole every scene she was in. The club owner, Dash, was supposed to be a minor character in one or two scenes, but he took on a life of his own. One of the Emporia cops, Sammy Paulsen, turned out to have a huge crush on Abby. Who knew? Abby's ex-husband decided to pop into town, and I'd never planned to bring him into the story at all.

Most of all, though, is a black, 45-pound, one-eyed, stray dog named Dilbert. I wasn't even going to have Abby have a dog, because my next novel will center around dogs. Plus, I planned for Abby to have a lifestyle change at the end of Make or Break, and thought a dog might not fit that scenario well. But Dilbert showed up and took over. He became an integral part of the story, and it could no longer exist without him. Dogs do that.

I can't believe it. All I've wanted to do, my entire life, is be a writer. And to me, that means writing books. But I'm an over-achiever who repeatedly fails to live up to her potential, if that makes any sense. I start things. I quit. I start something else, excel, and quit. I get great ideas but am too lazy to run with them.

Not this time. This time I did it. I did the one thing that I've always wanted to do more than anything in my life.

I did it.

I wrote a book.

I think I'll go cry a little bit now.